


If You Can’t Beat Them

by buckys_bitch



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Ben Hanscom, Bisexual Richie Tozier, F/M, Gay Bill Denbrough, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Mike Hanlon, Gay Stan Uris, M/M, Multi, Pansexual Beverly Marsh, Patrick Hockstetter-mentioned, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Richie’s backstory w Patrick is canon, can anyone stand another texting fic?, everybody is a minor, mike isn’t ace y’all just don’t wanna admit he’s poly and/or got a partner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-01-30 13:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 12,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21429160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckys_bitch/pseuds/buckys_bitch
Summary: "no homo but I like boys""that's literally the definition of homo"
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 26
Kudos: 85





	1. The Losers Club

[september 23, 1988]

trashmouth invited eddie, stanley urine, billy boy, mikey, benhead, and bevvy to the chat!

[Thursday, 10:22pm]

trashmouth: guys I need answers 

stanley urine: seriously richie 

eddie: to what 

bevvy: here we have a good example of love and hate 

billy boy: seriously though ,,, 

eddie: shut up nbody likes you 

benhead: where did the first o go 

trashmouth: ask eddie's mom, she knows ;;;))))

eddie: shut uP RICHARD 

bevvy: that's gay

eddie: u would know it sweetcheeks 

eddie: wait 

billy boy: here we see a confused eddie in his natural habitat 

eddie: I'm tired ok leave me alone 

eddie: you're all bullies and I'm going to sleep

mikey: is eddie always this mean at night 

bevvy: yes

billy boy: but he's an angel in the morning

stanley urine: how do you know that 

trashmouth: jealous boyfriend ????? I think so 

stanley urine: at least I can get one 

trashmouth: that's biphobic 

mikey: u say that abt everything richie 

billy boy: no only when he's mad at us 

benhead: well,,,,,, excluding eddie 

trashmouth: that's bipHOBIC

billy boy: goodnight you guys 

[Friday, 3:46am]

trashmouth: guys 

trashmouth: i never got my answers 

trashmouth: hello

trashmouth: ur all dummies

trashmouth: i love eddje 

bevvy: I KNEW IT 

mikey: didn't we all 

benhead: oh my god i stayed up all night for richie to realize 

bevvy: that he was gay for eddie or that he's going to fail 

benhead: the failing thing 

mikey: the eddie thing was just a pleasant reward 

benhead: exactly 

trashmouth: ok 

trashmouth: well

trashmouth: you can't tell him

mikey: rich,,,,,,,ie

benhead: richie oml

bevvy: this is a group chat 

bevvy: that eddie is in

trashmouth has kicked eddie from the chat! 

bevvy: RICHARD


	2. Bill Denbrough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so i have a whole posting schedule but i might just fuck around and post the whole thing

bevvy has invited eddie to the chat!

[Friday, 6:43am]

eddie: why did i get kicked from the chat 

eddie: by richie 

trashmouth: idk

trashmouth: accident i guess bc i don't remember 

bevvy: 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

eddie: well what happened last night 

benhead: richie forgot he never got his answers 

stanley urine: he's an idiot 

mikey: stan y is ur name "stanley urine" ????? 

stanley urine: good question 

stanley urine has changed his name to bird boy! 

trashmouth: u can change ur name ????

eddie: nobody tell him how 

mikey: who set up ur acc

eddie: me

eddie: that's why he has to keep it 

bevvy: i'M———

eddie: what

eddie: when people talk to him he looks dumb

benhead: ok eddie spaghetti

trashmouth: nobody can call him thag but me

billy boy: hey guys im not going to school today 

bevvy: then why are we 

trashmouth: want us to come over 

billy boy: sure 

billy boy: my mom's friend is in town from Indiana and she wants me to show her kids and her daughter's boyfriend around 

benhead: nobody knows how to get around town as best as us 

mikey: tell them to pack bathing suits 

bird boy: and we should pack ours

trashmouth: i don't own one 

eddie: you don't go to pools ????? or the beach ???? 

trashmouth: why should i when we have the quarry

trashmouth: dummie

benhead: true

bird boy changed his name to stanley urine!

stanley urine: i got used to it like this stfu

mikey: we didn't say anything but ok

eddie: so do you think we should go now ?

billy boy: please 

billy boy: they're almost here and ive never met them

benhead: c u in 10 all


	3. Stan Uris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so... I’ve decided to post the entirety of the Losers Club portion, but that’s it! Tomorrow will start the next one thank you and I hope you enjoy :)

billy boy has invited wheely, toothless, william, and wrist rocket to the chat!

[Friday, 11:47pm]

billy boy: i had a lot of fun today guys 

wheely: me too thanks for having us 

toothless: yeah

wrist rocket: your quarry is a lot more fun than ours 

william: they found a dead body in there once lol

trashmouth: wtf 

bevvy: what he said ^^^^^

eddie: how,,, ar,,e y,ou ok,,,,,,,,a,,y 

william: long story

stanleyurine: probably more interesting than what we did 

mikey: excUsE mE

benhead: says the noodle head who doesn't have an initial carved into his stomach 

stanleyurine: sorry 

billy boy: we killed a clown 

eddie: correction, we accidentally electrocuted the clown that bit your brother's arm at his birthday party 

wheely: yeah we dont do fun shit like that

wheely: i mean there's a gvmt lab in our town but

wrist rocket: nothing fucking happens

wheely: u right u right

mikey: ok this is seriously really messing with me 

[Saturday, 12:00am] 

bevvy: mike h is a sweet pea he does no wrong we all love him 

mikey: tell them mom

bevvy: mike w looks like richie and if you act like richie too ..........

stanleyurine: we can hardly stand ours ,,,,,,,,

trashmouth: HEY

billy boy: we love you but we don't need two of you 

billy boy: hey where's eddie 

bevvy: oml

benhead: loving richie = eddie 

william: im v confused 

toothless: mike is nothing like richie 

toothless: mike is too much of a pussy to smoke 

wheely: i hate you all

wrist rocket: whatever 

eddie: what do u want billiard 

billy boy: that doesn't even make sense but„„ «ok»

eddie: what did u want

billy boy: richie wanted answers to his hw

billy boy: you're the only one that did it 

trashmouth: it's ok i already failed my test 

eddie: richie it's been like a month and a half since we started school 

trashmouth: shu tup eds 

trashmouth: high school is tuff 

eddie: [richieisanidiot.jpg]

eddie: have fun on ur makeup sols dummie


	4. Eddie Kaspbrak

[Saturday, 10:12am]

bevvy: hey,,,,,,,

bevvy: i wnat to get to know you guys 

benhead: "wnat"

bevvy: shut up 

bevvy: i love you 

wheely: well, I'm mike. I'm 15. I'm in love with someone who doesn't like me back. And my favorite song is cough syrup

stanley urine: nothing like richie 

trashmouth: since I was just talked abt ,,,,,.,,

trashmouth: my name is richie. I'm 16. I'm in love with someone who's blind. My favorite song is lump

bevvy: they're not blind ur just an idiot 

trashmouth: shut up bev 

bevvy: im beverly but don't call me that. I just turned 16 and my wonderful boyfriend is none other than benhead

benhead: hello I'm benhead 

bevvy: my favorite song is prom queen

benhead: I'm Ben ! I'm 15, dating sweet bev, and my favorite song is please don't go girl 

wrist rocket: I'm Lucas , I'm 15, I'm catching feelings? I don't know 

trashmouth: "idk"

wrist rocket: sheijdjf i fucking know. My favorite song is sunday candy

william: I'm will , I'm 15, I'm in love with an idiot and my favorite song is hey look ma i made it

toothless: emo 

toothless: but i 'm Dustin, 16, there's nobody to really like around Hawkins, and my favorite song is 9 to 5. Don't judge me. 

mikey: I'm mike h, I'm 16, I'm not into anybody right now, and my favorite song is sir duke

stanley urine: my name is stan** uris**, im 15, I'm dating the most beautiful boy Bill, and my favorite song is blackbird

billy boy: my name is bill, I'm 16, I'm dating stanley urine, and my favorite song is when im sixty four

bevvy: we STAN a beatles couple

eddie: hi I'm eddie 

trashmouth: EDS

eddie: istg richard I will come to your house and kick you right now 

eddie: anyway

eddie: I'm 14, I have a crush, and my favorite song is one. like by three dog night. 

trashmouth: I forgot you're a baby 

eddie: stfu 

wheely: wow you guys are cool 

bevvy: hA


	5. Richie Tozier

[Saturday, 2:34pm]

billy boy: hey do you want to have a sleepover at my place 

wheely: we don't really have a choice 

Toothless: that was for bev & them 

Toothless: dumbass 

wheely: ur such a bully 

bevvy: BEV & THEM 

bevvy: BILL TOU ARENT THE LEADER ANYMORE 

bevvy: I AM 

trashmouth: you can't do anything 

trashmouth: she can't do anything as leader right ????? 

mikey: she can reveal crushes 

stanley urine: yeah, to the only person it needs to be revealed to 

stanley urine: the one who he has a crush on 

eddie: GUYS 

benhead: speaking of which 

eddie: YOU KNOW NICCOLE FROM BIOLOGY

eddie: I ASKED HER OUT TO DINNER AND SHE SAID YES

eddie: ITS TONIGHT 

trashmouth: I'm very happy for you eddie :)) 

eddie: thank you 

eddie: I'm so happy 

bevvy: oh

eddie: what 

bevvy: no that's a good thing 

eddie: doesn't seem like it but thanks 

eddie: gtg 

wrist rocket: gtg ?

trashmouth: got to go

wrist rocket: yeah but like- the Fuck where????

mikey has kicked eddie from the chat! 

bevvy: mike ? 

mikey: richie 

mikey: are you okay 

trashmouth: I'm fine :)) why do you ask 

mikey: I'll be there in ten minutes 

bevvy: what's going on 

stanley urine: double smiley 

stanley urine: I'll be there soon too richie 

stanley urine: hang on 

benhead: bev it's serious 

benhead: we have to go too 

bevvy: well I guess this is a goodbye, hawkins crew 

wheely: make sure my twin isn't sad ok ?? 

bevvy: will do mike <3


	6. Beverly Marsh

[Saturday, 8:29pm]

eddie was added to the chat by billy boy! 

eddie: seriously 

eddie: why do I keep getting kicked 

trashmouth: nobody knows its a mystery 

trashmouth: and uh is it ok if we sneak down now guys 

wheely: wdym sneak down 

trashmouth: I'm in ur sister's closet

wheely: WHAT 

wheely: GET OUT SHE'LL THINK ITS ME 

trashmouth: yeah ok 

trashmouth: you want me to walk out 

trashmouth: while she's making out with her boyfriend

trashmouth: perfect move, midwestern me 

bevvy: so much sarcasm,,,,,,,,

wheely: I'll call her out and then I'll get jonathan out too

wheely: just get out 

eddie: this is wild 

trashmouth: not as wild as your mom 

billy boy: just shut up and get out of there tozier

wrist rocket: is he always like this 

stanley urine: yes. 

toothless: oh god 

eddie: see !! other people feel our pain,,, stan

stanley urine: I think everybody but our friend group understands, Eddie 

trashmouth: HEY

mikey: was that what I think it was ? 

bevvy: what was that scream????? 

wheely: richie you did not 

trashmouth: oh i did, my good sir 

bevvy: you can't just barge in on people like that ricHard

trashmouth: but I did, my fine berverly 

benhead: watch it , tozier

mikey: overprotective ben is my aesthetic 

william: you should see how protective mike is over el

wheely: shut up will 

wrist rocket: yeah shut up, will 

bevvy: who's el ??? 

billy boy: no time 

billy boy: grab your sleeping bags, gang 

billy boy: we're going to the barrens


	7. Mike Hanlon

[Sunday, 7:36am]

wheely: thanks for a great weekend, losers 

trashmouth: we take that with great pride, innocent me 

bevvy: "INNOCENT ME"

eddie: why haven't you called mike by his name the entire time they've been here 

trashmouth: why not 

trashmouth: too many opportunities to pass up 

mikey: and it's a little confusing to me 

wheely: it's fine 

toothless: it's been a fun and exciting weekend 

billy boy: maybe you guys could come back this summer ???? 

stanley urine: it's a lot more fun than fall 

benhead: and I promise it's not as cold 

william: next we're headed to ohio because apparently there's a family member of mike's there 

wrist rocket: they probably won't be as exciting as you guys 

wrist rocket: and kinda all the shit you put us through but lol ig

billy boy: on behalf of my team, it's been an honor serving you 

wheely: you guys are the coolest 

william: why do you think you're not 

bevvy: nobody here thinks we are 

wrist rocket: well they just don't know you then 

stanley urine: or the fact that we don't like the same things they do 

mikey: we don't follow the norm so they think they can make us 

eddie: and we all have our flaws that we get picked on for 

trashmouth: I talk too much and I'm bisexual 

benhead: I'm smart and they don't understand it as conceited as that sounds 

bevvy: I'm pansexual, but everyone says it's for attention because I'm dating Ben 

stanley urine: I'm Jewish and I have a boyfriend 

stanley urine: I think they're just jealous because bill is so popular and they want him to themselves but what do I know 

billy boy: my stutter and my boyfriend, whom I love dearly and extremely 

bevvy: ben,,,,,,,,, benn,,,,,, why aren't we the token couple ,,,,,,,,,

benhead: because bill and Stan are the dads remember 

bevvy: oh yeah 

mikey: I'm a person of color and I like boys 

eddie: I'm a hypochondriac

bevvy: ™

eddie: yes ™

wheely: well we're leaving now :( 

william: goodbye guys 

trashmouth: gays********


	8. Ben Hanscom

[november 14, 1988]

[Monday, 6:48am]

eddie: I haven't thought about the Indiana gang organically since they left 

billy boy: isn't distance decay sad 

benhead: look at you using human geo words 

billy boy: oh shush 

stanley urine: since when do you take human geo bill ??? 

billy boy: I'm taking it next year but ben loaned me a textbook to get me started 

stanley urine: oh 

bevvy: so 

bevvy: when are then Indiana crew coming back 

billy boy: not for another year or so 

billy boy: apparently it's expensive to take a road trip from here to Hawkins 

trashmouth: that sucks 

trashmouth: i was looking forward to seeing them sometime soon 

trashmouth: I miss nice me 

trashmouth: he was cute 

eddie: he looked exactly like you 

trashmouth: ,,,,,,,,,,,eddie,,,,,,,

trashmouth: if you ever told them I said that though 

trashmouth: I would hurt you all

mikey: we don't need to

wheely: hello 

trashmouth: damnit I'm stupid 

toothless: nah you just forgot it's ok we won't judge you 

wheely: UR NICE TO HIM BUT NOT TO ME 

toothless: ur dum

wheely: SEE 

wrist rocket: I think you're overreacting 

william: you guys,,,,,,,, 

william: it's like 3 am over here and I'm tired 

william kicked wrist rocket, wheely, and toothless from the chat! 

william: it's for the greater good 

william has left the chat! 

mikey: oh


	9. Henry Bowers’ Gang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when vines were cool

[Tuesday, 12:33am]

trashmouth: hey guys 

trashmouth: how fast do you think I can make Bill jealous 

bevvy: depends 

eddie: ho don't do it 

trashmouth: time to make out with stan !!!

eddie: oh my god 

billy boy: bitch I hope tf you do 

billy boy: you'd be a dead son of a bjtch I tell you that 

bevvy: "bjtch"

stanley urine: actually,,,,,,,,,,

stanley urine: does that make you jealous Bill 

billy boy: if you made out with someone 

billy boy: even Richie 

trashmouth: I'm right here fucker

billy boy: that would make me jealous

benhead: if bev did I would be jealous and upset

bevvy: but I wouldn't 

benhead: I know 

benhead: ilyvm 

bevvy: ilyt bby

eddie: guys 

mikey: ???

eddie: niccole

eddie: she kinda sorta 

eddie: broke up with me

bevvy: oh eddie 

mikey: I'm sorry, eddie 

eddie: why are you sorry 

eddie: it's not like you told her to break up with me or anything 

eddie: right 

stanley urine: of course not, eddie

billy boy: we haven't seen you happy since last summer

mikey: we don't like seeing you upset 

bevvy: we aren't that dumb 

trashmouth: if I'm honest, your happiness means the most to me 

eddie: you're yanking my chain 

eddie: but thank you for helping me get through this 

billy boy: anytime, eddie 

eddie: can we have a sleepover this weekend ?

trashmouth: of course, Eds 

eddie: stOp cAlLinG mE thAT


	10. Henry Bowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’ve had these drafts since 2016 and they’re just now seeing the light of day so be nice pls

[Tuesday, 9:41am]

trashmouth: stan is the straightest gay I know 

bevvy: holy hell 

bevvy: you're right 

billy boy: stop talking about my boyfrien and do ur work 😤

mikey: bill istg

eddie: why hello,,this is entertaining 

benhead: why bc we all have the same study block at this time and bill has math ??? 

billy boy: stfu algebra is dum 

benhead: tru 

bevvy: ok but like 

bevvy: how many boys have you ever liked stan 

stanley urine: smh,,,,,,,,, lots 

trashmouth: who ????? 

stanley urine: they're all celebrities, besides bill 

mikey: that's not what I thought you were going to say 

mikey: hey um also 

mikey: I have a crush,,,,,,,,,, on a boy,,,,,,,,,

bevvy: Micheal Hanlon how DARE you not tell us sooner 

mikey: I'm sorry mom 

mikey: he's in this bell

trashmouth: who ???? 

mikey: dont all look up at once , but the kid behind Hockstetter 

mikey: I SAID DONT ALL LOOK AT ONCE 

benhead: mike pls don't give me the scary eyes 

eddie: dont u look at me in that tone of voice 

trashmouth: he's cute,, 

bevvy: yeah he is 

stanley urine: ok what's wrong with him 

mikey: you don't even know his name !!!!!! 

bevvy: well then what's his name mike 

mikey: i was attacked 

trashmouth: you don't know do you 

mikey: absolutely no idea 

bevvy: yOu dOn'T eVeN knOW hiS nAMe 

mikey: shut up,,,,,,,,,, bev


	11. Belch Huggins

[Tuesday, 3:41pm]

bevvy: ok is it just me 

bevvy: or does mrs. allen need to get laid 

benhead: I don't have her so idk who that is 

trashmouth: she's the ap statistics teacher right 

stanley urine: how do you know that 

trashmouth: I took that class over the summer 

billy boy: how ??????

eddie: you spent every waking hour with us 

mikey: with eddie*****

trashmouth: shut up 

trashmouth: I took it before you guys woke up 

billy boy: so you woke up at about 5 every day 

bevvy: even when we convinced you to stay up until 4 

eddie: richie...

trashmouth: I only went every other week day 

trashmouth: it was fine 

trashmouth: I passed 

stanley urine: but we made you stay up and you agreed 

trashmouth: making you guys happy is the best part of my day 

eddie: if you don't come over and hug me right now 

eddie: I swear 

eddie: I will kick you 

trashmouth: otw

billy boy: richie you're a sweetheart 

stanley urine: you really are oml 

bevvy: the best dads™

benhead: I love my dads 

mikey: honestly 

mikey: you're better parents to me than my grandfather is 

billy boy: we try, my son 

stanley urine: when did we even become the dads ??? 

bevvy: when you got together 

benhead: to be honest 

benhead: it was when we all knew you liked each other 

benhead: even if neither of you knew it 

eddie: years ago for me & richie 

stanley urine: shut up , eddie 

trashmouth: dont tell my eddie spaghetti to be quiet 

eddie: don't call me that dummie

billy boy: ahhdhdbdn


	12. Patrick Hockstetter

[Wednesday, 8:37am]

billy boy: ha ha how does it feel to have math when I ahve a study block 

eddie: how does it feel to be alone 

billy boy: I have a boyfriend asshat

trashmouth: that's biphobic

mikey: here we go again

trashmouth: can you blame me 

trashmouth: I was attacked

bevvy: true 

stanley urine: also 

stanley urine: we have the earliest lunch bell on a days remember 

trashmouth: that and we always use our phones 

trashmouth: we aren't afraid to get them taken away 

eddie: by we do you mean you and the mouse in your pocket ????? 

bevvy: who is this man and why is he so proper 

billy boy: why are you guys texting at lunch 

billy boy: I bet you look dumb sitting all around next to each other and not talking 

mikey: actually, we're having a totally different conversation 

benhead: it's hard to out smart us billiam 

stanley urine: "billiam" 

mikey: shut it spaniel 

billy boy: SPANIEL IM AJJSBDB

billy boy: OH MY GOD WARLEIGH HATES ME AHSHKSJDNND

trashmouth: you have warleigh for study block ???? 

eddie: lmao I'm so sorry 

bevvy: he's honestly the worst 

mikey: wtf here comes that cute kid 

mikey: what have I told about not looking all at once 

trashmouth: we're just assessing him 

bevvy: and he's nice ???? 

benhead: there has to be something wrong with him 

billy boy: ben ur such a good sport 

benhead: ?????

billy boy: you put up with all of our gay shit 

bevvy: oh he does it w me too

bevvy: I do feel bad sometimes 

eddie: "sometimes" 

bevvy: sometimes they're too hot to not talk about and ben agrees so it's all ok 

benhead: I don't mind agreeing with this lovely lady if it means I get to make her happy 

eddie: "who is this man and why is he so proper" 

bevvy: I hate u


	13. Vic Criss

[Wednesday, 1:47pm] 

billy boy: hey meet me out front after school ?? 

billy boy: it's one of those days 

stanley urine: we have you, bill 

trashmouth: I think we all need some time together 

eddie: we're all in the same class now 

bevvy: it's not the same 

eddie: I know that !! But it's crazy how much time we spend with each other 

eddie: I love it 

eddie: I love you guys 

trashmouth: lmao I got eddie whipped af 

stanley urine: more like Eddie's got you whipped af 

trashmouth: stfu spaniel 

bevvy: absolutely 

benhead: like the family pig

bevvy: ben eye-

eddie: ??? what 

eddie: how do I have you whipped richie

billy boy: let's talk abt that at the barrens later 

billy boy: I'm afraid of our sub 

mikey: wtf 

mikey: she's literally so sweet 

benhead: yeah but she doesn't shut her face 

trashmouth: damn ur shady as hell ben

billy boy: in my good Christian suburbs ????? I do not think so 

stanley urine: I SAY IT ONE TIME AND ITS ALWAYS BROUGHT BACK UP 

stanley urine: SERIOUSLY JT WAS THRES MONTHS AGO 

billy boy: but it's still funny,,,,,???

mikey: istg this is why they're the dads @ benverly 

benhead: ik 

benhead: bev is their daughter and I'm the son in law

bevvy: richie is my brother and Eddie is another son in law

eddie: how ???? 

bevvy: oops


	14. The Adults

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they’re a thing! also i totally forgot maggie and wentworth tozier DONT @ me

[Thursday, 1:33am]

eddie: hey if I'm not at school today I'm at the hospital 

bevvy: wtf why ?? 

trashmouth: is this bc you skinned ur knee 

eddie: yes damnit 

eddie: didn't I tell you

trashmouth: I'm sorry bby 

eddie: it's ok it wasn't your fault 

billy boy: this is the reddie shit I've been waiting for 

eddie: ur such a dumbass bill 

eddie: did you give us a ship name 

stanley urine: don't let bill take the credit 

benhead: fine ok mike and I made it 

mikey: hell yeah we did 

bevvy: I was stoned 

trashmouth: lmao this is really funny 

eddie: where tf were you 

trashmouth: ,,,,,,,,,

trashmouth: with u 

eddie: oh 

bevvy: as always 

stanley urine: if we're being honest here, you guys have been dating for years 

billy boy: I've been keeping track 

eddie: is this the same thing we're doing for bill and Stan ??? 

bevvy: tHEY WERENT SUPPOSED TO KNOW 

trashmouth: whoops 

benhead: honestly we do it all for each other 

mikey: I love my gay friends 

mikey: and Ben 

benhead: thanks ilyt 

benhead: all homo 

bevvy: hi this is my boyfriend ben and this is my boyfriend's boyfriend mike 

billy boy: istg ben r u gey??????? 

trashmouth: NOT IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN SUBURBS 

stanley urine: I will kill you all


	15. Sonia Kaspbrak

[Thursday, 9:57am]

stanley urine: eddie 

eddie: ??? 

stanley urine: tell your boyfriend to put on pants 

eddie: BAHAHHAHA EXCUSE ME WHAT 

bevvy: he's running around the gym without pants on 

eddie: oh shit 

eddie: record that for me 

eddie: oh my god I had to excuse myself from class 

eddie: I was crying bc I was laughing so hard and I said I needed a minute 

billy boy: oh my god 

billy boy: eddie 

mikey: [eddieissnatched.jpg]

eddie: OH MY GOD BABSHHSHSHSB

stanley urine: he's gonna get in so much trouble 

eddie: that's why I love him are you dum 

mikey: [eddieisreallysnatched.jpg]

Stanley Urine: come on now guys 

bevvy: istg if I leave this locker room and they're making out 

bevvy: THEY ARE 

bevvy: SCREECH 

benhead: "screech"

billy boy: I'm so done,,,,,,,,, 

Stanley Urine: so I can never inform Eddie of Richie's nudeness ever again 

eddie: oh please do 

trashmouth: hey mfs

trashmouth: I love you guys a lot 

billy boy: ???? 

trashmouth: I had my first kiss with Eddie 

Stanley Urine: FIRST KISS 

bevvy: you went at it like wild animals 

eddie: oh shit 

eddie: guys ,,,,,,,,,,,,, 

eddie: I have to go back to class 

benhead: zoom zoom watch him go 

mikey: faster than sonic himself 

billy boy: bitch literally said skrt 

Stanley Urine: ...

Stanley Urine: first kiss ??


	16. Al Marsh

[Thursday, 7:46pm]

bevvy: OH GOD 

benhead: what is it ?? 

bevvy: RICHIE AND EDDIE DONT KNOW HOW TO GET A ROOM 

eddie: BEV YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO SALK INTO THE BATHRROMM 

bevvy: I WAS CHECKING ON YOU 

eddie: WHY !!!!!

trashmouth: lmao exactly what you think 

trashmouth: or she thought one of us was constipated 

billy boy: well what happened ???? 

bevvy: would you care to tell eddison 

eddie: no I would not 

mikey: "eddison"

bevvy: THEY WERE TOTALLY AT THIRD BASE 

Stanley Urine: IN MY BATHTUB???????? 

trashmouth: what can I say 

trashmouth: you can't keep teens off of each other these days

Stanley Urine: IN MY BATHTUB ???????

eddie: it wasn't exactly in the bathtub 

billy boy: ON HIS SINK 

trashmouth: a man takes what he can get 

trashmouth: and Eddie really wanted it then amirite Eds 

eddie: stfu dumbass 

benhead: nice to know that in a loving relationship you can still call your boyfriend dumbass 

billy boy: are you dropping hints you want Bev to call you dumbass 

bevvy: or that you want a boyfriend 

benhead: well,,,,,,,,,, 

benhead: shit 

bevvy: come on babe, you can tell me anything 

bevvy: and by extension, all of our friends 

benhead: yeah 

benhead: I think I want a boyfriend 

billy boy: how do you identify ben ? 

billy boy: you obviously don't have to but we're here if you want to

benhead: no it's okay

benhead: bi, I guess 

benhead: or bicurious 

trashmouth: onE OF US 

trashmouth: ONE OF US 

eddie: shut the FUCK up dumbass


	17. Butch Bowers

[Wednesday, 3:28am]

Stanley Urine: HAHAHHSHDNND IM WEAK 

Stanley Urine: SOMEBODY IS DRIVING DOWN MY STREET WITH ONLY THREE WHEELS ON THEIR CAR 

bevvy: well wtf happened to the 4th

Stanley Urine: IDK BUT LIGHTNING MCQUEEN HEADASS CANT DRIVE EITHER 

Stanley Urine: oh I'm sorry if I woke you guys up 

Stanley Urine: I just thought it was funny 

mikey: lightning mcqueen????

Stanley Urine: [lightningfinishline.jpg]

trashmouth: OHBGFFSADHB

billy boy: I'm so proud of you babe 

Stanley Urine: so headass mcdeadass hit a trash can 

Stanley Urine: THEY A PUT A LINE THOUGHR THE STREST ASHHSBD

Stanley Urine: WHAT THE HMFUC IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE 

Stanley Urine: WE'RE THE ONLY GOOD ONES IN THIS DAMNED TOWN 

trashmouth: why are you a better person in the early morning 

billy boy: he's probably high or feels high off of sleep exhaustion

bevvy: why are you up, dear ? 

Stanley Urine: I finished a project for math an hour ago and have been reading since 

Stanley Urine: I can't fall asleep 

mikey: are you talking abt the project we got yesterday ?? That's due in like three weeks??? 

Stanley Urine: ya

mikey: you're already done ??? 

Stanley Urine: I can't help it 

billy boy: otw 

trashmouth: when eddie wakes up I'm TOTALLY gonna hug him to death 

trashmouth: I wanna be just like my dads 

bevvy: we made their dreams come true 

mikey: we've also made a monster


	18. Zach Denbrough

[Wednesday, 6:54am]

mikey: I've decided I don't like that guy anymore 

bevvy: why ??? you would've been real cute together 

mikey: idk feelings are complicated 

mikey: besides, when I went to practice, he was there 

mikey: I refuse to date anyone on the team 

bevvy: MAY I POINT OUT MIKE IS THE GAY FOOTBALL CAPTAIN WE ALL ASKED FOR 

benhead: my feelings are screwed up too

eddie: did you guys talk abt it ? 

bevvy: ya

benhead: we want another person in our relationship maybe ?? We're gonna test it out

mikey: which gender would you prefer ? 

benhead: most likely a guy 

bevvy: I want a girlfriend but mr I love my one and only over here isn't too interested 

benhead: I'm sorry I love you ???? 

billy boy: screeching 

billy boy: i love my gay friends 

trashmouth: is this why nobody at school will talk to us 

eddie: that or we just really can't make friends 

Stanley Urine: probably the latter 

mikey: everyone's afraid of us

benhead: lmao who cares ???? 

benhead: we've done more in one summer than some adults have done in their entire lives 

benhead: and they can suck our asses 

bevvy: that's true

billy boy: we don't need other friends 

billy boy: they won't understand us like we understand each other 

Stanley Urine: who needs friends when you've got the losers club™

billy boy: honestly

billy boy: I own that shit now 

billy boy: fight me Henry Bowers


	19. Sharon Denbrough

[Wednesday, 11:23am]

eddie: guys 

eddie: where are you 

bevvy: we had to take richie to the nurse 

benhead: he's throwing up 

eddie: otw 

eddie: tell him his baby is coming 

billy boy: stan, we might become the grandpas 

billy boy: say hello to the new dads 

Stanley Urine: gasp 

Stanley Urine: don't say that !!

eddie: smh we could never beat you guys 

billy boy: hear that loml ??? We're still better 

eddie: excuse me ginger headass but I don't think I said that 

benhead: richie has a concussion 

mikey: poor rich !! 

bevvy: poor rich ????? 

bevvy: ran up against the wall in the girls locker room screaming "I'm hella gay" 

Stanley Urine: some days I'm disappointed in my children 

Stanley Urine: this day is not one of them 

eddie: were you guys,,, like,,,, changing ?? 

bevvy: no, we were about to leave

bevvy: richard was already in line to go run the mile 

trashmouth: whats up fuckers 

eddie: richie !!! 

trashmouth: look, it's the loml 

bevvy: mike you were wrONG 

mikey: wtf did I do ???? 

bevvy: you said we made a monster 

bevvy: 1. Eddie is finally out of his pining stage 

eddie: did I ask for this ??? no ,,,,,,,, I'm reporting you for cyber bullying 

bevvy: 2. They're cute af

mikey: I can agree with most of the above 

trashmouth: you pined over me ???? baaaaaaabee

eddie: that will be the last time you kiss me Dick Tozier 

billy boy: don't act like you didn't pine richie 

Stanley Urine: honestly he didn't shut up 

bevvy: I remember that too 

bevvy: I remember for months neither of you listened to me when I said "hE liKeS yOu" 

mikey: istg 

mikey: [theyaresogay.jpg]

benhead: before I open this let me guess 

benhead: is it one of us ??? 

eddie: isn't it sad we're like the only gay teens in derry 

Stanley Urine: THAT'S why we don't have friends


	20. Leroy Hanlon

[Wednesday, 4:39pm]

billy boy: Georgie says hi

bevvy: tell Georgie I'm coming over 

trashmouth: we haven't seen that kid in so long 

billy boy: you both were over here yesterday ??? 

eddie: we love georgie shut up bill

Stanley Urine: don't be rude to my boyfriend 

billy boy: it's ok,,, georgie is a sweetheart 

bevvy: ahhahsdjdjjd im gonna make him pancakes 

billy boy: he's so excited 

billy boy: he just cussed he's so excited 

mikey: dude how much does georgie like pancakes 

Stanley Urine: a fuckton 

trashmouth: lmao what did he say 

eddie: he only cusses because you're a bad influence

billy boy: "oh shit!! I love bevvy !!"

bevvy: oh my god I love that child 

mikey: can I come over too 

benhead: I was otw to pick you up mike

bevvy: what a sweetheart,,,,, 

mikey: I love ur bf bev 

bevvy: me too

trashmouth: the last time we all were here georgie couldn't say our names 

billy boy: obviously,,,,,,,,,, 

bevvy: he still calls me bevvy 

mikey: is that why your name is bevvy 

bevvy: I've been found out 

benhead: bev are you serious 

benhead: I've been calling you bevvy since we met and you're just now telling me it's bc georgie calls you that ??? 

benhead: that's so adorable 

mikey: BEV I LOVE UR BF 

trashmouth: he calls me Richard for some fuckin reason

Stanley Urine: bc I told him that was your name and said you hate nick names 

trashmouth: THAT WAS 9 YEARS AGO 

trashmouth: HE DOENST KNOW I GO BY RICHIE 

billy boy: I was waiting 

eddie: hot damn that took a long time 

Stanley Urine: and I had to tell him 

bevvy: I wish I knew georgie as a baby 

benhead: sweetie, you're horrible with kids 

bevvy: BUT BABY GEORGIE 

bevvy: TELL HIM MORK 

bevvy: mike*

mikey has changed his name to mork! 

bevvy: stfu


	21. Donald Uris

[Thursday, 2:56am]

eddie: is anybody's window unlocked 

billy boy: why ?? 

eddie: fight w mom. upset. please. 

trashmouth: you can come in through the front 

trashmouth: I'm on the sofa 

bevvy: otw 

Stanley Urine: otw 

mork: otw 

billy boy: otw 

benhead: otw 

trashmouth: all the gays are coming for you eddie 

bevvy: it's out of love 

eddie: that's why my mom is mad at me 

eddie: because I'm gay 

eddie: she wants me to go out on a date with one of her friend's daughters this Friday 

eddie: I said no because um hello,,,,, im madly in love with four eyes here 

trashmouth: I love the fuck outta you too eddie spaghetti 

eddie: she tried to wash my mouth out with soap 

eddie: and then hand sanitizer 

billy boy: oh my god eddie 

mork: I'll make hot chocolate 

bevvy: I'm buying ice cream 

benhead: I've got Disney movies 

eddie: holy shit i love you guys 

Stanley Urine: now I feel inadequate 

eddie: you give kickass hugs 

billy boy: you'll get there first stan 

billy boy: cuddle the hell out of baby boy eddie 

trashmouth: while I watch ????? 

bevvy: well yeah 

trashmouth: that's my job !! 

Stanley Urine: I can rub your head eddie 

eddie: let stan cuddle me richie 

trashmouth: for why 

eddie: I'll make it up to you later 

trashmouth: sold


	22. The Forms

[Thursday, 3:43am] 

mork//billy boy 

mork: so like

mork: I think I'm in love with ben 

billy boy: that's a lot of information big boy 

mork: I need help 

billy boy: idk how to help 

billy boy: try stan he knows more abt relationships than me 

billy boy: I'm very sorry I couldn't help and I hope you get the guy :)) 

mork: tysm bill :) 

mork//stanley urine

mork: I'm in love with Ben Hanscom 

Stanley Urine: wooahahah mike 

Stanley Urine: you what 

mork: I'm in love with ben 

mork: and I need help 

Stanley Urine: do you want to be with Bev too ? 

mork: shit 

mork: stan I don't know what's wrong with me 

Stanley Urine: Micheal Hanlon you listen to me 

Stanley Urine: nothing is wrong with you. You deserve the world. 

mork: thank you stan

mork: can we meet somewhere ? 

Stanley Urine: get your ass over here you big sap 

Stanley Urine//Billy Boy 

Stanley Urine: bill 

Stanley Urine: mike is head over heels in love with ben 

billy boy: I know 

billy boy: I sent him to you 

billy boy: you're better at this than I am 

Stanley Urine: aww 

Stanley Urine: well he fell asleep on my shoulder 

billy boy: stan

Stanley Urine: hear me out bill 

billy boy: are you saying what I think you're saying 

Stanley Urine: I think mike is the one 

billy boy: well I don't want it to seem like we're stealing anything from ben and Bev 

Stanley Urine: bill I truly think he's the one 

billy boy: I believe you stan 

billy boy: I love you 

Stanley Urine: I love you, bill


	23. Pennywise

[Thursday, 8:29am] 

trashmouth: if dr. Jones doesn't get off the intercom now, I'm going to kms 

Stanley Urine: well that's a bit harsh 

Stanley Urine: but I feel you 

bevvy: ugh what he's saying disgusts me 

mork: how did we all get separated 

eddie: bill and I didn't 

Stanley Urine: tell my boyfriend I love him 

billy boy: I love you too, stan 

eddie: he says I love you too stan 

Stanley Urine: aww he's so sweet 

benhead: oh shit

bevvy: what is it ?? 

benhead: that kid playing piano 

trashmouth: does benny have a crushhh

mork: ooh he's kinda cute 

benhead: all of my friends are so gay 

benhead: my girlfriend is gay 

bevvy: you got that right buster 

billy boy: honestly how did we all find each other 

billy boy: we all came out recently 

billy boy: eddie I still don't know how you identify 

eddie: I'm gay as shit 

eddie: niccole was the biggest mistake I ever made 

Stanley Urine: maybe getting u & rich together was ours 

Stanley Urine: don't get me wrong, you're like, the cutest and I love you guys together 

Stanley Urine: but watching movies in bill's living room is not a time to give eddie a hickey 

trashmouth: hey !!! 

trashmouth: we all had a great time that night ok ?? 

bevvy: in more ways than one apparently 

eddie: you betcha 

billy boy: why do you (the germaphobe) have a sex life with richie (the TRASHmouth) 

eddie: well do you really want to know 

billy boy: yes 

[Wednesday, 9:03am] 

bill boy: I'm sorry I asked


	24. Judith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mikeyyyy :(

[Wednesday, 10:17pm]

billy boy: oh hecc 

bevvy: ??? 

billy boy: we have orchestra tomorrow 

eddie: I didn't practice and our thing is in three days 

eddie: guess who sucks 

trashmouth: dick...? Most of us 

bevvy: :D

trashmouth: molly ringwald headass 

bevvy changed her name to molly ringwald headass!

mork changed his name to mike!

mike: I want to be normal again 

molly ringwald headass: are you okay mike?

mike: not really but I will be 

benhead: meet me for ice cream ?

mike: I said I would be okay 

mike: I have to do it alone 

Stanley Urine: we'll always be here for you mike 

Stanley Urine//billy boy 

Stanley Urine: maybe now is our chance 

billy boy: am I not enough for you anymore big daddy 😫👋🏻👌🏻😤😭🤙🏻

Stanley Urine: I love you until you use emojis 

Stanley Urine: mike is leaving his house 

Stanley Urine: I just know it 

Stanley Urine: he never stays alone when he's upset and his grandpa is out

Stanley Urine: I'm going to find him 

billy boy: stalker ??? I think yes 

billy boy: go get him for us 

Stanley Urine//mike

Stanley Urine: where'd you run off to, lovely? 

mike: it doesn't matter 

Stanley Urine: it does matter if I'm trying to find you 

Stanley Urine: share your location 

mike: [sharemylocation]

Stanley Urine: otw


	25. The Leper

[Thursday, 1:52am]

Stanley Urine: I'm going to sCREAM 

Stanley Urine: lightning mcqueen is back at it again and I can't sleep 

billy boy: I hear it too 

trashmouth: can you guys go to bed or smth

molly ringwald headass: ??? 

molly ringwald headass: what crawled up your asshole and died 

trashmouth: I had a shit day ok 

benhead: you can always talk to us, you know that 

eddie: I still have to make something up to you 

eddie: want me to come over ? 

Stanley Urine: oh my god they're going to have sex 

mike: STAN WTH 

Stanley Urine: I'm not wrong !!!! I wish I was !!!!

billy boy: me too good god 

trashmouth: sorry ?? 

eddie: I'm really sorry 

eddie: I want to make my babe happy you know ?? 

molly ringwald headass: awww 

molly ringwald headass changed her name to bevvy! 

bevvy: awww 

trashmouth: awww 

eddie: stfu or this will be the last time you kiss me 

trashmouth: but

billy boy: you guys are so touchy feely a lot 

billy boy: it's adorable 

Stanley Urine: they also have enough libido to get them through their 70s 

mike: honestly this is confusing as hell 

mike: who's screwing who and who's not screwing who ?? 

Stanley Urine: that's a dangerous question my dear


	26. The Fire

[Thursday, 5:34am] 

eddie: who ate my fucking sour patch kids 

eddie: I will murder you 

trashmouth: dont say ask me 

trashmouth: he's already LITERALLY CLIMBED ME LIKE A TREE TO FIND THEM 

eddie: I'm serious 

Stanley Urine: who wants ur shit sugary candies 

trashmouth: well it's not stan 

billy boy: they were mine too smh 

eddie: so did you steal them all for yourself ??? 🤔

billy boy: eddie you know I would never 

bevvy: iT WAS ME BABAHHAHAHA 

eddie: BEV I AM COMING TO GET YOU 

bevvy: wait what 

benhead: if you hurt my girlfriend I will break you 

mike: a e s t h e t i c ^^^

bevvy: I didn't eat any I just took them as a joke 

eddie: if I get there and there isn't any left I will STAB someone 

mike: what happened to precious baby eddie 

billy boy: I've been asking myself that for a while now 

Stanley Urine: richie istg if you taint my boy's innocence 

trashmouth: whatcha gonna do old man 

Stanley Urine: I will rip you apart limb by limb and sell your body parts on the black market to pay for Eddie's college 

trashmouth: DONT FUCK WITH ME 

trashmouth: I'VE GOT THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE 

eddie: RICHARD TOZIER 

trashmouth: yes eddie ? 

mike: these kids are fubking whipped

billy boy: in love*******


	27. The Blood

[Friday, 3:44pm] 

bevvy: who wants to go watch some movies at bill's place 

billy boy: ??? wtf

bevvy: sorry love ya 

billy boy: so who's coming 

Stanley Urine: well I'm babysitting georgie tomorrow anyways so ig I'm in 

trashmouth: I'll go if eds goes 

eddie: I'll go 

eddie: don't call me that 

trashmouth: eddie spaghettiiiiiii

eddie: that either !! 

trashmouth: what can I call you then

eddie: hi my name is Eddie and I'm your boyfriend

trashmouth: how abt baby 

eddie: well 

eddie: I guess

bevvy: character development 

trashmouth: ok we'll see you guys soon 

benhead: I'll go

mike: I'm in

billy boy: lmao it's no wonder my mom is used to you guys 

billy boy: you're always here 

Stanley Urine: we're always there for georgie 

Stanley Urine: bill who ?? 

billy boy: love you too babe 

bevvy: take notes ben we have to steal their spot when they get married 

billy boy: if we're married aren't we a step ahead of you ??? 

bevvy: NOT IN THE CLUB BECAUSE THEY ARENT MARRIED 

billy boy: ok bevvy 

Stanley Urine//billy boy 

Stanley Urine: I'm worried 

billy boy: why b

Stanley Urine: because mike probably won't go if ben bails 

Stanley Urine: bill this is our chance 

billy boy: unless mike doesn't want us 

Stanley Urine: don't talk like that ! 

billy boy: there's a chance you know 

billy boy: I don't want what happened with Eddie to happen with mike 

Stanley Urine: you're right 

Stanley Urine: should I wait ? 

billy boy: that would be best 

Stanley Urine: I'm sorry bill 

Stanley Urine: I just want things to work out for once 

billy boy: I understand babe, I want that too

billy boy: I love you very much 

Stanley Urine: I love you too bill


	28. Georgie Denbrough

[Friday, 7:01pm]

eddie: we're here bill

billy boy: I'm @ the store, Stan's home 

billy boy: you can just walk in if you want 

eddie: ok 

eddie: bill

eddie: mike is with stan 

eddie: I think you should come home 

trashmouth: and the plot thickens 

billy boy: ugh I told him to wait 

eddie: what ??? 

billy boy: I guess there's no use in hiding it anymore 

benhead: wait what's going on ?? 

bevvy: what did we miss ????

billy boy: stan and I have been wanting a boyfriend for a good month now 

bevvy: why didn't you tell us ??? 

billy boy: idk, I thought it was dumb and stan thought it was unnecessary to talk about it unless we were interested in someone 

benhead: and you are now ?? 

billy boy: mike hanlon 

bevvy: woah woah woah 

bevvy: you're saying you had a crush on my bby boy and you DIDNT TELL ME 

billy boy: well I told stan to wait until mike was ready 

billy boy: if stan listened to me, then Bev, I have a crush on mike 

billy boy: do I have your blessing 

bevvy: YES OH MY GOD SHJSHDN

Stanley Urine: well ok 

mike: that was awkward 

Stanley Urine: how long did you watch us kiss you perverts 

trashmouth: long enough for me to see you pop one for mikey moo

eddie: stfu Richie 

eddie: there's no way in hell you could've seen that even if it did happen 

trashmouth: you ruin everything, spaghetti 

billy boy//Stanley Urine//mike 

billy boy: we need to talk 

Stanley Urine: I'm sorry 

billy boy: why are you sorry 

billy boy: I'm fucking ecstatic 

mike: oh my god ,,,,,,,,, 

billy boy: I just want to say you're welcome over any time, mike

billy boy: we've been waiting for this for a while 

Stanley Urine: seriously though 

Stanley Urine: we've been eating our hearts out 

mike: you were even there for me when I said I liked ben 

mike: holy shit 

mike: you guys mean the world to me 

Stanley Urine: and you mean the world to us

billy boy: <3


	29. The Lamb

[Friday, 10:31pm]

bevvy//trashmouth 

bevvy: look to your left 

trashmouth: oh my god 

trashmouth: never did I think I would see this 

bevvy: a couple of 3 ? 

trashmouth: no, stan having a boyfriend 

trashmouth: but now he has two 

trashmouth: the bastard 

bevvy: that's not what I meant for you to look at 

bevvy: hold up 

bevvy: why did you just reposition eddie over your lap 

bevvy: DO YOU HAVE A BONER RIGHT NOW 

trashmouth: I CANT CONTROL IT EDDIE WAS PLAYING WITH MY THIGHS AND KISSING THEM 

bevvy: HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT 

trashmouth: YOU WERE TOO BUSY WATCHING STAN DO THAT WITH MIKE 

bevvy: SHUT THE HELL UP 

trashmouth: AND THEN BILL KISSING STAN ON THE NECK

trashmouth: BASICALLY THEM HAVING SEX IN FRONT OF US 

bevvy: NOW THEYRE ALSEEP IT DOESNT COUNT 

trashmouth: BEVVY WHAT DO YOU THINK GUYS DO AFTER THEY FUCK 

bevvy: OH MY GOD 

bevvy: I WATCHED MY BEST FRIENDS HAVE SEX 

trashmouth: THATS WHAT IM SAYING 

trashmouth: I HEARD THEM ALL MOAN AT LEAST OMCE 

trashmouth: AND WE'RE WATCHING SAW 

bevvy: HAVE YOU EVER THKUGHT ABLUT HOW YOUNG WE ARE BYT ALSO OUR EXPERIENCES 

trashmouth: holy shit 

trashmouth: I forgot eddie is younger than me 

bevvy: there will be a time where your innocent eddie will be jailbait 

trashmouth: screw that 

trashmouth: eddie wants it more than I do and I'm not even lying or joking like stg 

trashmouth: he was KISSING MY THIGHS BEV 

trashmouth: as soon as we both think it's right we will be having sex ;))) 

bevvy: you're so responsible 

bevvy: but also I wnat you to tell me all about it ???? Because like ,,,,,,, I love u ????

trashmouth: who else could I talk to about eddie and I 

bevvy: we're the siblings to each other that we've never had 

trashmouth: I had to read that out loud a couple of times 

bevvy: anyways 

bevvy: stan is waking up to go the the bathroom 

bevvy: SHH BE LOWKEY


	30. The Children

[Friday, 11:22pm]

eddie: I wrote a poem

eddie: wanna hear it 

benhead: are you stealing my thunder,,, fanny pack ? 

eddie: are you making fun of my fanny pack ? 

bevvy: ben it's ok I love your poetry very much babe 

benhead: >:(

trashmouth: shh smh let Eddie share his masterpiece 

eddie: bromeo, oh bromeo

eddie: why the fuck are you climbing in my window at 2 am-eo 

billy boy: @ my mens 

Stanley Urine: 1 it's bc you asked 

mike: 2 it's because we want to 

billy boy: I love these boys 

trashmouth: dude you're like 

trashmouth: the ultimate gay

eddie: stop it richie

bevvy: I love all my boys ??? Like, yes, I would like 6 gays please. All beautiful lil balls of joy. 

eddie: and then they get to richie and they're like "there may have been a mishap"

trashmouth: ???? 

trashmouth: I didn't come here to be attacked 

Stanley Urine: you guys are violent holy shit 

mike: eddie is such an angry boy 

benhead: lmao when they were giving Bev eddie they were like "we may have also accidentally added too much anger... his small body will be more susceptible to him becoming mad more" 

billy boy: "but usually at the one we dropped too much" 

trashmouth: are you saying I was dropped as a baby ???? 

trashmouth: well u right u right 

bevvy: I still love my bois 

benhead: cause I know 

benhead: somewhere deep in my heart 

benhead: I still love you 

billy boy: *ugly cry*

bevvy: I take that back 

bevvy: I love my memes*****


	31. The Balloon

[Saturday, 3:21am]

trashmouth: IT'S SPAGHETTI'S BIRTHDAY NEXT WEEK 

eddie: richieeeeee 

eddie: I don't want anything and I don't want a party 

eddie: I just want to hang out okay 

billy boy: my precious son is going to be 15 and you want me to not do anything ????

Stanley Urine: we're buying you a car

bevvy: we're taking you on a wine tasting tour 

mike: wait am I bev's son or am I a dad™ now ? 

eddie: both 

eddie: I love it 

bevvy: but my son can't be my dad

bevvy: I'm prepared to let go of my son 

bevvy: YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF HIM 

billy boy: oh, we do 

Stanley Urine: ;))))))

mike: I've never been the subject of a dirty joke 

mike: it's exciting 

bevvy: I can tell

benhead: hello what have I missed 

mike: a lot 

bevvy: mike is no longer my son he is a dad 

billy boy: ;))))))))

benhead: what ??? 

benhead: you love your son !!! 

bevvy: i still love him 

bevvy: I still love you mike 

mike: ilyt bev 

bevvy: he's just not my son anymore 

benhead: oh 

trashmouth: now he's bill's baby boy 

billy boy: well technically stan is our baby boy 

billy boy: but 

Stanley Urine: I SWEAR TO GOD

mike: well damn you act like it's not true

eddie: holy shit 

trashmouth: exposed 

bevvy: stfu you and Eddie do it all the time 

eddie: I SAID HOLY SHIT BC I KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING IT IS 

Stanley Urine: mhm ok

eddie: I still luv u stanny 

Stanley Urine: ilyt eddie


	32. The Knife

[Saturday, 11:43am]

billy boy: wanna come over 

bevvy: who's all gonna be there 

Stanley Urine: mike and I are already here 

trashmouth: I was otw w Richie 

bevvy: well if ben wants to go then I'll get a ride with him but if not I'll be there later bc the walk 

benhead: my mom wants me to help pack 

bevvy: pack ??? 

benhead: yeah we're moving 

benhead: just to a new house nearby I promise 

benhead: a bigger, nicer house in Derry 

bevvy: Ben Hanscom if you were moving and that was how you told me I would have screamed and moved with you 

benhead: I would never, dear 

trashmouth: I can swing by and get you bev 

bevvy: aw ty richie !! 

trashmouth: be ready in 10 

mike: how much do you want to bet eddie is typing what richie is saying 

trashmouth: yes but kinder

trashmouth: "hey! type what I fucking say!" 

trashmouth: "don't be an asshole, dude. You can't do that, shithead!" 

trashmouth: so yes, if I typed allllll of what he's saying it'd be very unkind 

bevvy: I love my son 

bevvy: holy hell I've solved it 

bevvy: EDDIE YOURE MY NEW SON 

trashmouth: okay 

trashmouth: wait 

eddie: okay


	33. The Headless Boy

[Saturday, 12:33pm]

bevvy: ok bill

bevvy: since you, eddie, and mike forgot the FUCKING LIST HERE 

bevvy: I want plain chocolate brownies

Stanley Urine: I want yellow cake with chocolate frosting 

Stanley Urine: and the good kind

trashmouth: I want cookie brownies, a six pack of buds, and some fucking weeeeeeeeed

billy boy: get your own damn weed 

Stanley Urine: I'm in if you guys are 

eddie: are you serious 

eddie: you can't be serious 

bevvy: question is who has access to the better weed 

trashmouth: definitely me

mike: stan if you smoke tonight I won't be kissing you 

Stanley Urine: well okay 

billy boy: IT WAS THAT SIMPLE???? 

Stanley Urine: I love my boys

eddie: richie? 

trashmouth: nice try sweet cheeks

eddie: no kissing 

trashmouth: what if I lay off the beer...? 

eddie: abstinence 

trashmouth: sold to the little freckled boy 

eddie: you promise ? 

trashmouth: I promise

bevvy: THIS. is what I've been waiting for. 

mike: THEY ARE CUTE AS HELL 

billy boy: conditioning 

mike: what 

Stanley Urine: that's when you say "not as cute as us" because you can't lie 

trashmouth: but 

mike: well I thought that was implied

billy boy: after years you have been chosen to be our match 

Stanley Urine: after years of us enforcing "WE ARE THE CUTEST"*********

mike: that too ^^^^


	34. Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mmmm bevchie

[Saturday, 10:55pm]

trashmouth//bevvy

trashmouth: I think I know what I'm gonna do for Eddie's bday 

bevvy: ?? 

bevvy: something that can't be outdone ?? 

trashmouth: how special is losing your virginity 

bevvy: OHISKJSNDND 

bevvy: WHAG DD YOU JUST ASK ME 

trashmouth: how special is losing your virginity 

bevvy: I MEAN

bevvy: well if I'm being serious it's going to be like the most important thing I've ever done in my life

bevvy: and I know we're so young , but I want to get married to ben as soon as we can get out of this shit town 

trashmouth: you will definitely be goals after our other gays get married 

bevvy: that's the highest honor ever bestowed upon me 

trashmouth: I love you bevvy!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

bevvy: I love you richie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bevvy: ooh so what are you getting eddie 

trashmouth: why do you think I asked you abt virginity 

bevvy: OH 

bevvy: OH MY GOD 

trashmouth: what an oblivious homo

bevvy: so his present is sex ??? 

trashmouth: I was going to say my virginity,,,,,,,,, but,,,,,,,

bevvy: WHAT 

trashmouth: SO MUCH YELLING 

bevvy: YOURE A BOTTOM 

trashmouth: so you're an oblivious homo ™

trashmouth: I thought it was so obvious 

bevvy: it's not !!!!!!!!!! 

trashmouth: just because I like eddie to sit on me all the time

trashmouth: and he's always acting like my bitch 

trashmouth: holy shit eddie is a power bottom 

bevvy: all this time you thought he was a top ?? 

trashmouth: I thought I was going to have to take it in the ass 

trashmouth: thank jesus 

trashmouth: I would've put on a front for my entire life 

bevvy: nah 

bevvy: eddie would've probably asked you to put it in him so 

trashmouth: BEV 

trashmouth: WHY ARE YOU RIGHT


	35. Neibolt

[Sunday, 3:21am]

bevvy: should I get eddie lingerie 

trashmouth: yes 

eddie: why

bevvy: OH HELL

bevvy: THIS ISNT THE CHAT I SANG EJEDN

trashmouth: ur plans have been foiled !!!!!

billy boy: why are you buying eddie lingerie ?? 

eddie: yeah why

bevvy: no reason 

Stanley Urine: there has to be some reason 

benhead: you can't buy lingerie for someone and say "oop this is for nothing !!!"

bevvy: fine 

bevvy: it's just a suggestion 

mike: for whyyyyy

bevvy: eddie will see 

trashmouth: it's a birthday gift 

eddie: for some reason 

eddie: some odd, unthinkable reason 

eddie: i think 

eddie: no I know 

eddie: that you're lying 

bevvy: my beautiful name has been beseeched !! 

benhead: I don't think you're using that word right 

trashmouth: whichever 

Stanley Urine: so if we've settled bev and richie are suspicious and bad liars

Stanley Urine: I'm tired 

Stanley Urine: go to bed 

mike: good night sweeties 

billy boy: good night dears 

Stanley Urine: I love you honeys

[Sunday, 4:35am]

eddie//trashmouth 

eddie: I can't stop thinking about you 

trashmouth: aw eds me neither !!!! 

eddie: no 

eddie: that damn lingerie

eddie: it's driving me crazy 

trashmouth: ooh for why 

eddie: I can't stop thinking about us in my bed 

eddie: having to keep quiet because my mom is asleep in the other room 

eddie: and everything feels good 

trashmouth: eddie ....

trashmouth: get over here I want to kiss you lots all over 

eddie: I'm so excited to be 15 

trashmouth: jailbait


	36. The Barrens

[Sunday, 12:16pm] 

billy boy: georgie wants to know if anyone wants to come over and play legos with him

trashmouth: me

bevvy: me

Stanley Urine: me

mike: me

benhead: me 

eddie: I can't say much 

eddie: I just made him grilled cheese with grapes 

bevvy: you what ??????

trashmouth: without us ????

billy boy: istg you guys are the biggest georgie stans

Stanley Urine: start a fan club already 

bevvy: we have 

bevvy: bill is the president 

trashmouth: we're the the vps

bevvy: stan is the secretary 

trashmouth: mike is the treasurer 

bevvy: and eddie and ben are the librarians 

benhead: how honored 

mike: I hate dealing with money 

Stanley Urine: at least it's not me 

Stanley Urine: why are Jewish stereotypes a thing

trashmouth: I've never heard of a gay ass Jew 

Stanley Urine: you know what richard

billy boy: it's true 

Stanley Urine: but it's richie

eddie: true

Stanley Urine: lmao if my dad found out he would have an aneurism 

billy boy: my mom flat out told me I was gay 

mike: my grandpa would shit a brick

benhead: eh, my dad "acts" gay all the time but my mom knows 

billy boy: knows what 

benhead: my dad is somewhat bi 

mike: that's kinda cool 

benhead: I guess

bevvy: my dad doesn't care enough 

trashmouth: my parents either

eddie: my mom would try to diagnose me with AIDS or some shit

Stanley Urine: yeah you're on your own with that one 

trashmouth: lmao my parents still call it GRID 

billy boy: idk who's parents doesn't still call it what it isn't 

mike: I mean it kinda is within the gay community mostly 

bevvy: doesn't mean they reserve the right to call it that 

mike: you're right 

billy boy: we have shitty parents 

trashmouth: ding ding ding


	37. Derry High School

[Monday, 3:21am]

eddie: FUCK

eddie: MY MOMS GONNA KILL ME 

billy boy: ???? 

bevvy: for why

eddie: Um I didn't come home last night 

mike: you called though 

Stanley Urine: your mom's not that bad 

eddie: BUT SHE IS 

eddie: BEVAUS I DIDNT COME HOME 

eddie: SHE CALLED ME 

eddie: AND SHE CALLED STAN, MIKE, BEN, AND BEV'S HOUSES 

trashmouth: why not mine ?? :((((

eddie: honey she doesn't even know we hang out

trashmouth: then she definitely doesn't know I suck your dick

bevvy: RICHIE 

Stanley Urine: DUDE WTF 

mike: jesus fuck

billy boy: my friends,,,,,,, why,,,,,, 

benhead: eh 

benhead: I've heard it before 

bevvy: YOUVE HEARD RICHIE GIVING EDDIE HEAD ??? 

benhead: no !! 

benhead: the whole thing they fuck 

benhead: honestly I'm not surprised 

billy boy: richie is 16 and Eddie is 14 

mike: jailbait 

bevvy: that's what I'm saying !!! 

Stanley Urine: why aren't they talking 

eddie: I TRIED 

eddie: I SCREAMED 

trashmouth: so I kissed him to shut him up 

benhead: when did you guys leave ?????? 

eddie: like half an hour ago 

eddie: my mom is asleep and left a note explaining that she isn't angry with me thank god 

trashmouth: how could she be when I was busy making her so happy last night 

bevvy: you're literally fucking her son 

trashmouth: oh shit


	38. The Sewers

[Monday, 11:43am]

Stanley Urine: that was a fuckin close one 

bevvy: HHAHDHSBSBANW THAT REALLY HURT 

benhead: what...? 

billy boy: basically these idiots tried to slide across the teacher's desk

eddie: for why you dummies 

bevvy: NO INCORRECT FALSE 

Stanley Urine: WE WERE TRYING TO JUMP ACROSS MR FALL'S DESK 

trashmouth: I'm so proud 

eddie: for 

eddie: why

bevvy: WE WERE BORED 

billy boy: they fell on their faces a lot 

bevvy: surprisingly only my ass hurts 

mike: but like???? you didn't record it ?????

billy boy: oh I did 

billy boy: now we'll know why you both can't have children

Stanley Urine: yeah 

Stanley Urine: Falls scared me as I was halfway across and I almost shit my pants 

bevvy: hahahhss he fell on his dick 

Stanley Urine: BEV

mike: it better still be in good condition 

bevvy: MIKE 

trashmouth: boys got his priorities straight 

billy boy: sorry 

billy boy: I didn't expect mike to be the next person who wanted to fuck in this group 

trashmouth: third****

eddie: Richard 

benhead: technically eddie was first 

billy boy: oof yeah you're right my bad 

eddie: THIS IS C Y BE R B U LL Y ING 

bevvy: ok sure


	39. Bill’s House

[Tuesday, 1:43am]

eddie: oh hell

trashmouth: wot in da hell

eddie: why are you like this

Stanley Urine: anyway 

Stanley Urine: what did u need eddie my dear 

mike: hey 

billy boy: hey 

trashmouth: um hello it's my boyfriend 

eddie: just a hug stanny baby

Stanley Urine: otw sweetheart 

trashmouth: what are you doin

billy boy: it's not v clever when you cheat on us in a gc 

mike: yeah there's no reason 

mike: you're supposed to do that in private 

benhead: in other news- the boys are wondering who they're actually dating

bevvy: surprise !! it's each other 

benhead: yes, good point, bev! they all seem to have romantic feelings for one another- all of them !! 

trashmouth: seriously 

billy boy: I meannn 

Stanley Urine: 2/5 

Stanley Urine: scratch that 3/5 ily eddje 

eddie: ilyt stanljy


	40. Bev’s House

[Tuesday, 6:53am]

trashmouth: eddie totally just decked someone 

billy boy: my innocent eddie ????

bevvy: my son, for why

eddie: well

eddie: they kinda sorta called mike a bad name 

eddie: I got so fuckin angrie

mike: ...

mike: can eddie be apart of this too

Stanley Urine: eddie come b gay w us 

trashmouth: UM HELLO 

eddie: sorry gays, I love my boyfriend 

benhead: that was the most counterproductive thing you've ever said 

billy boy: "no homo but I like boys" 

billy boy: that's literally the definition of homo

eddie: u don't know me

trashmouth: i do u suck my dick

eddie: actually

benhead: well are you going to give us an actually ???

eddie: no 

eddie: i don't feel like it 

mike: thats my good old eddie for ya 

mike//Stanley Urine//billy boy

mike: ik I shouldn't but eddie is like ... great ?? And I may like him ??

billy boy: we tried 

Stanley Urine: yeah he kinda just doesn't gravitate towards two people ?? 

billy boy: I think it's bc he's small 

Stanley Urine: poly just doesn't work for him ig

mike: well ty for not getting angry at me it means a lot 

billy: of course bby 

Stanley Urine: we could never


	41. Eddie’s House

[Tuesday, 11:43pm]

bevvy: GUYS 

benhead: sHUT UP BEV

trashmouth: oof tea abt ben

trashmouth: gimme

bevvy: so like we were at his house 

bevvy: ohhhhh never mind 

trashmouth: WAIG

eddie: no cliffnahangers go on 

mike: cliffnahangers

billy boy: cliffnahangers

trashmouth: cliffnahangers 

Stanley Urine: cliffnahangers 

mike: what happened bev 

billy boy: what did u do

Stanley Urine: what didn't they do honestly

trashmouth: stanley knows something we don't ? 

Stanley Urine: always bitch 

Stanley Urine: anyways yes i know shit you don't 

bevvy: why 

benhead: whoops sorry got excited 

bevvy: IT HAPPENED TWO HOURS AGO 

eddie: YOU WERE JUST ABOUT TO TELL US 

Stanley Urine: yeah but I knew two hours ago Ben wyd 

bevvy: well it's no use in hiding it now 

mike: op did you fuck 

benhead: MIKE 

bevvy: ofc

trashmouth: well shit im hurt stan knew first 

big bill: im hurt stan didn't tell us 

eddie: im weak as fuck what 

bevvy: OOPS GOTTA GO BYE 

bevvy has left the chat! 

benhead: GODDAMNIT BEV


	42. Mike’s Farm

[Wednesday, 1:22am] 

trashmouth added bevvy to the chat!

big bill: thank fucking god 

eddie: yah those 5 mins were so hard without yoj

benhead: YOJ 

mike: WHO THE HELL IS YOJ 

Stanley Urine: goddamn you can't type 

eddie: leave me alone 

bevvy: yah leave my son alone !!! 

trashmouth: dont fucking say it eds 

trashmouth: HE FUXKING SAID IT 

benhead: what did he say ????

Stanley Urine: mommy 

big bill: and richie tackled him and is kissing him right now 

mike: it's gross 

bevvy: RECORD IT 

big bill: WHY WHAT 

benhead: THEIR MEMORY BOOK DUH 

Stanley Urine: that was the gayest thing ive ever heard 

eddie: and that bitch has two boyfriends 

bevvy: oh they're back 

bevvy: where are you guys btw like what 

Stanley Urine: bill didn't tell you ?????? 

bevvy: ahem 

bevvy: NO 

eddie: oh we're just getting him like a snake lizard thing 

mike: he hasnt decided yet 

big bill: hey bev do you and ben wanna come to the pet store w us and maybe grab something to eat afterwards 

bevvy: i would love to dearies 

bevvy: EXCEPT ITS ONE FUCKING O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING WHAT THE HELL

trashmouth: we were late sue us

Stanley Urine: no he just couldn't sleep and promised to buy us coffees 

mike: eddie's falling asleep on the chairs 

benhead: those poor workers can't leave until you do 

bevvy: get the fuck out !!!! 

big bill: FINE 

Stanley Urine: see you guys later 

trashmouth: <3333333333333


	43. The Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: Richie’s past w Hockstetter & anxiety attacks

[Wednesday, 11:31am] 

big bill: what the fuck richard 

bevvy: what did richie do this time 

eddie: what didn't he do honestly 

mike: i think he has detention 

benhead: again wth 

trashmouth: literally hockstetter came into my fucking classroom and i was going to have a panic attack so i got up to leave 

eddie: are you okay babe 

trashmouth: not exactly eddie spaghetti !!!!!!! 

trashmouth: the person who fucking ruined my life as a child coming in to my class ?? 

trashmouth: oh totally fine 

billy boy: richie

trashmouth: no bill this is really fucking me up 

trashmouth: i got detention for leaving my goddamned class because i felt like i would die if i stayed in there any longer 

trashmouth: the way he looked at me and smiled and talked to me like nothing happened 

trashmouth: it felt like the strangest dream i've ever had 

trashmouth: and it's not fucking okay 

trashmouth: i'm not fucking okay

bevvy: i just got a hall pass. are you in the principal's office? 

trashmouth: yes 

bevvy: i'm otw 

eddie: i'm leaving for the rest of the block to be with you. i'm otw too 

big bill: i'm going to stay after and talk to mrs. marei to explain what happened today 

big bill: you won't have detention. dw abt it 

mike: we're always here for you richie 

mike: don't let these things build up okay? 

benhead: we'll always be here for you 

benhead: always


	44. The Synagogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pls tell me y’all know what a synagogue is

[Wednesday, 9:52pm]

big bill: i miss you guys so much it feels like i haven't seen you in ten years

eddie: you saw us today 

big bill: no i saw richie and mike and you today 

big bill: i didn't see bev and ben and stan 

bevvy: where is stan

mike: he's sick as hell 

mike: he threw up on me yesterday so i stayed with him overnight to like keep him company and help him throw up 

mike: he's super sick tho

benhead: damn poor stan 

big bill: i miss him so much 

eddie: do you want chee and i to take you to his house 

big bill: would you ? i need me some more chee time 

trashmouth: ok just because i had a mental breakdown doesn't mean i'm a d-i-d 

benhead: ????? 

trashmouth: YOU GAVENT SEEN THE 1997 FAMILY MUSICAL COMEDY DISNEY'S HERCULES 

benhead: i bet the mythology is wrong 

trashmouth: so wrong 

trashmouth: BUT ITS A CLASSIC 

mike: what he means is d(amsel) i(n) d(istress) 

benhead: oooooooooo

eddie: chee n i are otw 

eddie: anyone else want to see stan ? 

mike: i'm gonna be heading over there soon in my truck 

eddie: we can just get you ????? 

mike: it's a long way out of the way to get me when you're going to stan's n i'm okay 

big bill: i'm so excited to have my boys in the same room again i miss holding you both so so much 

benhead: jesus fuck they are the dads 

bevvy: I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS THE W H O L E JSJDUCKJNV TIME


	45. Concepts

[Thursday, 12:01am]

Stanley Urine: wow gotdamn 

Stanley Urine: you guys are the best uhhhh 

Stanley Urine: ily 

bevvy: we love you too birdbrain 

mike: we all missed you like this is the first day of school you've missed in a while 

big bill: yeah i was so worried about you oml 

trashmouth: it was weird because when i talked nobody told me to be fucking quiet and shut the hell up 

Stanley Urine: shut the hell up richie

eddie: good ol stan !!!!!!! 

trashmouth: i missed ya pal

benhead: i have your homework and i can drop it off soon 

benhead: i was just finishing up the move 

bevvy: so when do we get to spend the night bby 

benhead: we ? 

benhead: just you doll 

trashmouth: hey eds can we spend the night 

eddie: no you cannot come to my house you fucking moron 

trashmouth: ok damn 

big bill: everyone is allowed to my house it's ok you can fuck in my basement 

eddie: JAJNDNDBD BILL 

trashmouth: ha ha you're so nice

big bill: i'm just kidding you cannot fuck in my basement 

big bill: we have a guest room i'm not rude 

Stanley Urine: i hope you're kidding because i sleep in there sometimes 

mike: we could be using that space wth 

big bill: I WAS KIDDING 

big bill: but good idea 

eddie: fucks sake you're all so gay


	46. Greywater

[Thursday, 9:22am]

billy boy: stanny baby when are you coming back to school 

Stanley Urine: hopefully soon

Stanley Urine: but if i have to take dayquil just to mcfuckin breathe there is no way in hell im going to blow my nose in public 

bevvy: that's icky yeah don't come to school 

eddie: ily stanley but don't you fucking Dare get me sick

trashmouth: yeah then his mom won't let him come over and then i'd have to kiss someone else's boyfriend sorry i don't make the rules 

mike: oh fuck oh shit IM someone else's boyfriend 

mike: please stan don't make that happen 

Stanley Urine: okay WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with you all 

Stanley Urine: except Ben hi ben

benhead: hi stan 

benhead: for the love of god don't make eddie sick 

bevvy: nobody should be kissing mike but his boyfriends richie 

trashmouth: ay don't @ me like that i didn't say mike 

trashmouth: lookin at you bill

billy boy: i swear to god you motherfucker do not even TRY it 

benhead: well stan is sick

mike: there's not much i can do 

eddie: yeah we can't really do anything bill

billy boy: FINE FUCKING TRY IT RICHIE 

bevvy: HOLY SHIT AHHDJDJ 

bevvy: DID ANYONE GET THAT

eddie: not happily 

eddie: [hetriedit.jpg]

Stanley Urine: with a heavy heart i have to announce 

Stanley Urine: richard tozier is no bitchass punk

trashmouth: hope u feel better soon stan 

trashmouth: one a day for every day you're not back 

mike: well fuck might as well just drink the whole thing stan

eddie: PLEASE DO NOT STANLEY


	47. Kill Them All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> funny hour !!!! ha ha

[Friday, 4:20am]

trashmouth: VIBE CHECK

Stanley Urine: absolutely NOT a vibe check shut the fuck up and go to bed 

trashmouth: awww is someone feeling better 

Stanley Urine: no i just had to take a morning dose of medicine so i dont drown in snot 

bevvy: why are we vibe checking 

Stanley Urine: WE ARENT 

bevvy: rich said vibe check 

benhead: yes vibe check 

Stanley Urine: NO VIBE CHECK

benhead: vibe check im doing good hbu

bevvy: im doing just fine ben how bout u chee 

trashmouth: eating some goddamned ritz crackers and spray cheese

Stanley Urine: i am so worried about all of you 

trashmouth: what it's breakfast 

Stanley Urine: ... so fucking worried

eddie: this better be fucking good

trashmouth: vibe check

eddie: glad you asked 

eddie: im going back to sleep 

mike: why don't you want our vibe checks babe >:(

Stanley Urine: we can vibe check in the morning 

Stanley Urine: but everyone has school tomorrow and that's important 

mike: you're right 

mike /// Stanley Urine

mike: vibe check on bill

mike: he's asleep in my arms

Stanley Urine: aww omg my babies 

mike: we miss you baby

mike: get well soon. you get some rest and so will i 

Stanley Urine: god i miss you both so much 

Stanley Urine: goodnight I love you 

mike: love you too stanny


	48. The Labs

[Friday, 7:41am]

bevvy /// trashmouth 

trashmouth: fuck bev 

trashmouth: eddie's bday is in less than 24 hours and i have zero plans besides "hey my parents are going out do you wanna fuck at my place?" 

bevvy: shit richie

bevvy: that's perfect 

bevvy: kidding please don't do that to him he would keel over 

trashmouth: no SHIT that's why im stressed 

bevvy: well don't be 

bevvy: do you want to make dinner or anything 

trashmouth: i can't cook 

bevvy: i know that but ben can 

trashmouth: nuh uh I'm not burdening sweet benjamin hanscom 

bevvy: not a burden a favor 

trashmouth: but like what if i cant learn bev 

bevvy: well then get taco bell 

bevvy: you know he thinks you hung the moon and stars don't you 

trashmouth: no. but even if i did he'd be worth it 

bevvy: god you joke abt the "hey wanna fuck at my place" 

bevvy: the reason he wants to eat you alive is bc you treat him like a queen 

trashmouth: well imo he's a flamer

bevvy: you know what i mean

trashmouth: i do. and it's bc i love him. 

bevvy: okay cute 

trashmouth: stfu mrs hanscom 

eddie /// trashmouth 

trashmouth: you don't have any plans saturday night do you

eddie: no why 

trashmouth: it's your birthday silly goose 

eddie: oh shit yeah it is

trashmouth: do you want to come over to mine if you're allowed to go out ??

eddie: i would love to darling 

trashmouth: you're a dream 

eddie: only for you


	49. Richie + Attention

[Saturday, 12:00am]

trashmouth: ITS EDDIES BDAY HAPPY 15 BABY

eddie: okay thank you babe 

eddie: but also what the fuck why did you wait until midnight when you could've just said something when i see you tomorrow 

bevvy: also 

bevvy: why gc

bevvy: but happy bday eddie 

eddie: thanks bevvy 

bevvy: and ben says happy bday but he's sleepy 

eddie: thanks ben!!!

trashmouth: im happy for u and excited and maybe a little tipsy 

mike: well hello all and happy bday eddie 

eddie: thanks mikey !!! 

Stanley Urine: Richie's not tipsy hes trashed

Stanley Urine: and at my house 

big bill: happy bday eddie your boyfriend pissed in my boyfriend's sink 

Stanley Urine: your shithead*

Stanley Urine: happy birthday babey !!!!! 

eddie: omg thank you guys 

eddie: do you need me to pick him up or have you got him to bed yet 

mike: i miss all the good things when my gpa makes me come home :( 

big bill: i have seen richie naked once and that was too much you do not want to be here 

bevvy: ooh eddie's jealouuussss 

eddie: not jealous 

eddie: jw why you think he's not attractive bc you aren't like blind or anything 

big bill: no but i have eczema 

bevvy: ECZEMA ?????? OF THE EYES ????? 

big bill: i mean glaucoma 

eddie: bitch you are blind fucks sake 

trashmouth: there's my cute baby 

trashmouth: eddie could kill me nad than i would tahnks him

Stanley Urine: so would i

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE let me know how you liked it!!! much love


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